And here we are “Into the Holidays!”
THE ENTIRE SEASON FROM MEMORIAL DAY TO LABOR DAY IS MY NEW HOLIDAYS.
And once again I’m going to make sure this summer counts! We only have so many and the longer I live the more I realize there are fewer summers in front of me than there are behind me.
Kisha and I go out every weekend.
The kids are getting outside, we enjoy plenty of boating. We visit lots of yacht clubs, attend on-water events, savor waterfront meals, and don’t forget those wonderful sunsets and moonrises.
NOAH AND TODAY!
So… I hate mosquitoes. The older I get the more I lather up my skin with citronella juice. If Noah had just killed one mosquito while on the ark. Just one mosquito… SWAT, POW, BAM… millions would have lived, which brings me back to Noah Today.
Noah is living with his family peacefully in a county in Maryland in 2024.
He’s having lunch under a tree when suddenly God appears and explains that in one year The Flood is going to begin. It will rain for 40 days straight and cover the world in water. God explains that he needs Noah to build an ark and place pairs of animals in it.
So off goes Noah to the county offices to file for a building permit.
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting on his front porch weeping.
“Noah,” God shouted, “Where is the ark?”
“Lord, please forgive me!” cried Noah. “I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.
“Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the ark needed a fire-suppression sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
“I had problems getting enough wood for the ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won’t let me catch any owls. So, sorry, but there are no owls.
“The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the ark, but still no owls.
“When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.
“Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn’t take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.
“Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. “I sent them a globe.
“Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that accuses me of practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!
“The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I’m building the ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the ark as a recreational watercraft.
“Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore, unconstitutional. I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for another 10 to 15 years!” Noah wailed, “ahhh… government!
